


A longing to guide him

by oxygenial



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, first chapter talks about ven bc I've never written from his pov and he's an angel!!, kh3 remind, kinda between the ending of remind and the limit cut episode, second is roxas-focused bc I love an Angry Boy, so uh... spoilers, third is my main depression man... reeks...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxygenial/pseuds/oxygenial
Summary: That’s what Sora did best, after all: follow his heart. They were all just following his lead.(post re:mind ending, pre limit cut episode. everyone misses Sora, a lot.)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	1. It isn't fair.

“I’m glad I came home to you,” Chirithy says quietly, sleepily, as the two of them watch the stars outside. Ventus smiles and pats his head gently, mumbling a content “me too” before closing his eyes. It was a breezy night and the air was warm through the curtains, guiding him closer and closer to a blissful sleep. He hears Chirithy hum in agreement, hears the crickets singing in the grass and the owls talking in the night, and he is so thankful for it all.

Even if it wasn’t his homeworld, the Land of Departure had always been home for as long as he could remember. The Land of Departure— Terra and Aqua— they had always been his home, his guiding stars, for as long as he’d known. He’s so unspeakably thankful to have them within arms’ reach again.

Ventus knows who to thank for it, but it seems he never got the chance.

Some time later, while the stars are still twinkling, Chirithy whispers his name. “He brought me to you, you know,” and he sounds so sad when he says it. “I was so afraid… but he gave me courage. He told me that I should share special moments with my friends. I’m glad that I met him,” he says, and Ventus meets him with a weary smile.

“I hope he’s okay,” Chirithy continues, “wherever he is. The world we met in— it can get very lonely. I know I missed you all the time.”

Every word makes Ven’s heart ache a little more. He couldn’t deny how lonely he felt sometimes, how wrong it felt not to have Sora’s love holding his pieces together. His light filled the cracks in, made him feel whole when he needed to recover. Sora healed him from the inside, out, and he never asked anything for it. He should be able to do the same, Ven thinks. If only he could reach into that other world and find him, wrap him in love and gratitude and kindness and warmth, let him rest until he was whole— why, Ven would do just about anything to shelter his heart.

There are tears on Ven’s cheeks now, and Chirithy quivers a little next to him. “I’m sorry!” he stutters, “I didn’t mean to make you cry… Please don’t be sad, Ventus. He… he did a very selfless thing. He saved you, didn’t he?”

“He saved us all,” Ven whispers, choking up now, hugging Chirithy closer into his chest and sighing deeply into the air. The spirit shakes in his arms and small cries join the chorus of crickets and owls outside, sticking out like bad notes in a chord.

He doesn’t know how long he and Chirithy are awake, but soon there is a gentle knock at his door, the click of an entrance, and the footsteps of a friend. Aqua perches on the side of his bed and runs a hand through his hair, which (to her distress) only makes the tears pour harder. Ven sits up and wraps his arms around her, sobs into her tee shirt and cries about how this isn’t fair, none of this is fair, he shouldn’t have to be punished like this! He just wanted to save his friends. He just wanted to save them.

They spent thirteen years together, sharing a heart, sharing their light. It’s probably natural that Ventus doesn’t feel quite whole without him.

Aqua hugs him tighter to her chest, pulls Chirithy close too, and they stay like that for quite some time. She pats his head the way she used to and hums old lullabies from Master Eraqus, the ones he’d sing to her when she was so tenderly young. When Ven composes himself enough to pull away, he rubs his eyes and sighs, looking back to the stars outside.

“I miss him,” he says, sounding so vulnerable and alone. It breaks a little piece of Aqua apart.

“I know I don’t know exactly how you feel, Ven… but I think I understand it,” she says, holding a hand to her chest. “And I know it must hurt. What happened to Sora— it isn’t fair. He did so much for every last one of us, and now…” she trails off, feeling her throat close up with sadness. The boy who sacrificed the most is the one who had to pay the price.

Chirithy pokes his head out from under her arm. “Is there anything we can do?” he asks, looking between Aqua and Ventus slowly. They look at each other and lean into a hug, defeated and tired.

“I don’t know,” Aqua whispers, and she wishes she was lying.

They fall asleep that way, drained and uncertain, until the morning light filters in through Ven’s curtains and Terra knocks a foot on the door. He has Aqua’s green tea in one hand, Ven’s favorite pastry in the other, his own coffee tucked in the crook of his elbow and a spare blanket tossed over one shoulder when he enters the room.

Chirithy rises first, mumbles something about him being heavy-footed (to which Terra snorts and advises him to get used to it), and gently shakes Ventus and Aqua awake too. Terra doesn’t know what happened last night to draw Aqua to Ven’s side, but he knows they’ll tell him later. For now, he just wants to comfort them. He knows that there’s enough emptiness in the world as it is. If he can close just one gap for them, he’s doing them right.

The four drink in the dawn together, the last of the stars disappearing against a spray of pink, and Ventus feels a little more whole than he did before. Something still tugs at his heart, though, and he wonders what the sunrise looks like wherever Sora is. He wonders if he has to watch it alone.

Not for much longer, he decides, leaning into Terra’s shoulder and taking Aqua’s free hand.

“I’m going to help Sora,” he says abruptly, with a confidence that took Aqua and Terra by surprise, “I don’t know how, but I’m going to help bring him home.” Ven smiles then, looking between the two of them for support. “Will you help me?”

He asks it so earnestly, so hopefully that it pricks Aqua’s eyes with tears. She squeezes his hand tighter and looks to Terra, who nods and wraps his arms around them both. “Of course we will,” he says, resting his chin on Ven’s head. “After all he’s done for us?”

“It’s the least we could do,” Aqua finishes, resolute.

Chirithy rests his head in Ven’s lap and hums in agreement. “Where do we start?” he asks, and Ventus looks out to the sky.

He can feel it now, that love and gratitude, reaching out for a heart to hold and guard, to nourish and protect. His heart stretches into empty space, lurches into the darkness, longing for a friend lost to all the worlds. “We just follow our hearts,” he says, allowing that longing to guide him. “Sora will show us the way as long as we follow.”

That’s what Sora did best, after all: follow his heart. They were all just following his lead.


	2. Winner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their connection beats like the tide rocks a boat and Roxas knows he’s out there, somewhere, and he can’t find him. There’s just the water and the night and a boy strung up by stars, dragged farther away every time he dreams.

Through the great expanse that separated the two, Roxas can feel his brother’s presence. He dreams of him frequently, visions of an endless night sky and a boy suspended among the stars, strung up with their light. The world moves to the rhythm of his heart and Sora bounces like a boat guided by the tide. Peaceful as he looks, Roxas knows his fear and loneliness as though they are his own.

“Let me help you!” he cries. Roxas tries to step closer and grab his hand, but the ocean carries him further out. The stars pull him farther up, always out of reach no matter how long he dreams. He feels something warm in his chest, though, and that’s what always wakes him up.

_It’s okay, Roxas,_ the warmth says, _I promise I’m okay. ___

__The warmth does not carry into morning._ _

__The fear, however, does. It perches on his ribs like a little bird, fluttering anxiously at every shadow. The loneliness wraps around him like a wet blanket and the longing persists even when surrounded by friends. Xion holds his hand and rubs her thumb along his, Axel wraps an arm around them both, and still, Roxas feels alone._ _

__“You’re not okay,” he says to the sleeping boy, drifting further still, but he doesn’t get a response this time._ _

__Axel jabs him in the side one afternoon and jests, “Hey, you can’t go all zombie on me now.” His voice is teasing, but the softness of his eyes gives him away. “Something’s bothering you,” he presses, “wanna share with the class?”_ _

__To his other side, Xion scoots closer, offering him a gentle smile. “We’ve been really worried about you,” she adds, “and we want you to know that whatever it is, you can always come to us. That’s what friends are for.”_ _

__Something starts dripping down to the terrace, but both Xion and Axel decide to blame it on the ice cream. They don’t question Roxas’ tremors and gasps as the popsicle continues to melt, just wrap their arms around him and tuck their heads into his neck while he heaves. “It’s okay,” Axel whispers, and Xion hums in agreement._ _

__“It’s _not_ okay,” Roxas presses quietly, gritting his teeth in between sobs. His friends pause and pull back, preparing for the oncoming outburst. “It’s NOT OKAY,” he shouts, anger boiling in his throat and pouring out of his eyes, “that the ONE PERSON who tried to do ANYTHING to save us all gets treated like _THIS!_ ”_ _

__Xion begins to add her own tears to the pile below, but Roxas doesn’t stop. He clenches his fists and curls into himself and he feels like his heart is about to _burst_ he’s so furious. “Why does he deserve to be punished like this!? To feel so alone and afraid?” he cries, standing up and throwing what remains of his ice cream over the edge. The boy yells, screams and bellows atop the Clock Tower, spewing curses, hatred and disdain at the blood orange sunset._ _

__Something blooms within him then, warm like a bonfire, smokey and comforting. It fills him up for just a moment and suddenly the hatred is gone; all that remains is him. Their connection beats like the tide rocks a boat and Roxas knows he’s out there, _somewhere,_ and he can’t find him. Roxas can feel him and he’s _not fucking there._ There’s just the water and the night and a boy strung up by stars, dragged farther away every time he dreams._ _

__“Why can’t you just show me the way?” he whispers, hands shaking, as Axel pulls him back from the edge of the Tower._ _

__The three are quiet as they walk down the Tower together, only their footsteps echoing throughout the spire. When they reach the base, Xion notices Roxas’ popsicle stick in the middle of a salty-sweet puddle by the steps. She doesn’t tell him that it says “winner,” just picks it up and throws it in the bin. It would be cruel to say, she thinks, because she’s almost certain that if given the choice, Roxas would prefer their roles reversed._ _

__Axel stops the group before they reach their splitting point. “I think we should have a movie night,” he suggests abruptly, “don’t ya think? I’m… not tired yet.” He scratches the back of his head, going a little red at his ears, but Xion giggles a little and nods. Even Roxas has half of a smile now._ _

__“That would be nice,” he says. “I think… I could use you guys’ company tonight anyway.” He wipes his nose and sniffles, and Axel ruffles his hair._ _

__“That’s what friends are for,” he says, and together they walk towards Roxas’ little apartment._ _

__He’s done what he can to make it feel like home, but if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t really know what home should feel like. He hung a few plants by the window to give it life, and Xion helped him pick out some brightly-colored pillows for his couch, but they both know he’s not going to be some great interior decorator. When the three of them settle in to watch their films, though, Roxas decides he’d like some thalassa shells in a bottle to display. The beach feels a bit like home. It just takes another moment to remember why._ _

__“You remember what it felt like in his heart, don’t you?” he asks of Xion, pulling their blanket further up. She smiles fondly, closing her eyes._ _

__“It was so… safe, wasn’t it?” she reminisces, “It really felt like I belonged there. It’s funny, I actually think he was kind of pushing us away.” Roxas and Axel both furrow their brow at that, prompting an explanation. Xion pauses, tilting her head to the side._ _

__“When I returned to Sora’s heart, I felt really at peace with it all. I was ready to just be a part of him again. But that didn’t happen. I figure,” she reasons, “he had to be the one resisting, even if he didn’t know it.”_ _

__Roxas huffs a little laugh, smirking at the thought. “He wanted us all to live our own lives,” he says. “That sounds like something he’d do.”_ _

__Axel taps a finger against his temple and sighs. “If you three never rejoined, maybe you still have a piece of his heart with you.”_ _

__Xion and Roxas exchange glances and Xion stutters, troubled. “I… I don’t think it really works that way. Our connection was strong, but we’re our own people now, with our own separate hearts.”_ _

__Warmth hums within Roxas’ chest, quietly. He feels disconnected from the conversation entirely now; now he is suspended among the stars, bouncing like a boat on the tide, and he can almost touch the string that holds their hearts together._ _

__“But you still have that connection, right? That’s kinda the whole point to this heart mumbo-jumbo: we’re always together, even when we’re apart,” Axel reasons._ _

__The warmth _sings._ It glows like fireflies on sand dunes, burns like the sun at midday, loves like it’s never been betrayed. It is fierce and strong and courageous and when it whispers to him, _Roxas, I will be okay,_ he really believes it. _ _

__“That’s how we find him, isn’t it?” Roxas murmurs._ _

___I know I’m not alone, and neither are you!_ _ _

___We’ll always be connected._ _ _

___I’m sorry for hurting you like this._ _ _

___I promise, I’ll be okay._ _ _

___Show me then,_ Roxas thinks, clutching his heart; _show me where you are.__ _

__That night, Roxas does not dream of a boy suspended in the night sky, strung up by lights, translucent and sleeping. He dreams, instead, of a city._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I still love kingdom hearts! that is all.
> 
> my business law exam is in one hour, wish me luck :^)


	3. The boy who made himself the martyr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can traverse these worlds all night long, all from the comfort of his bed. He can explore them to his heart’s content, investigate every nook and cranny until he decides he’s seen it all. These are the things he tells himself during the waking hours, just to offer himself comfort after all his efforts.
> 
> Every morning, for all his efforts, Riku wakes up alone.

The first time he dreamed of the city, he thought it was The World that Never Was. The slick, wet pavement, shifting shadows, and intimidating structures all reminded him too clearly of that place. Even the layouts of the cities were similar, with one prominent tower surrounded by twisting streetscapes. Once he looked closer, though, Riku realized that this was not the empty husk he recognized, but a world brand new to him.

The second time he dreamed of the city, Riku set his sights on that skyscraper in the center. Its neon lights called out to him, as if to say, “I’m hiding something; come find it.” No such secrets were uncovered.

The third time he dreamed of the city, he crawled through every dark alleyway and unassuming passage he could find, and was dismayed to learn he didn’t even have the company of shadows biting his heels.

Riku does not dream the same way he used to. Terra calls it “lucid dreaming,” but he knows it stems from his powers as a dream eater. He can traverse these worlds all night long, all from the comfort of his bed. He can explore them to his heart’s content, investigate every nook and cranny until he decides he’s seen it all. These are the things he tells himself during the waking hours, just to offer himself comfort after all his efforts.

Every morning, for all his efforts, Riku wakes up alone.

It’s really starting to wear him down, too.

His body feels older every minute. His bad leg is starting to act up, his muscles ache like he hasn’t used them in years— hell, it’s getting harder just to get out of bed every day. Aerith and Aqua try to convince him that it's not a physical affliction, but he chooses not to listen. It’s easier to believe that he’s just overworking himself than to suggest there’s something more wrong.

If there’s something more wrong, then Riku admits that _he’s_ really gone. If he’s really gone, then Riku might never see him again. And if Riku never sees him again; well, Riku’s not really sure what he’d do with himself then. And so, he dives, but Sora doesn’t stand up this time.

He dreams in search of him every night. He searches all the world’s his love has been to, every star he’s ever landed on and every heart he’s ever touched: still, Riku wakes up alone. Months pass and for Riku, it’s getting harder to wake up every day.

“I’m sure he knew,” Aqua offers one evening, and that leaves a bitter taste in Riku’s mouth.

“I’m not sure if that’s good or bad,” he replies.

Ventus holds his hot chocolate even closer, trying to soak up its warmth, hoping that would help his sadness dissipate. Next to him, Terra stares somewhat despondently into the fireplace, watching the last few embers smolder away. Aqua sighs, unsure of what to say, but Cid offers some consolation.

“I think that kid loved everybody, but he did’n know one kinda love from another,” he offers from the computer, watching a pixelated Kingdom Key flash into and out of existence. The simulated Sora watches his environment carefully, surrounded by corridors of darkness, but no threats appear. They won’t, until more tests begin. “He had open arms for everyone he ever met,” Cid continues, “even if they were tryin’ to hurt him at first.”

Riku sniffles once, and wipes his thumb at his nose. “Believe me,” he murmurs, “I know. It’s one of my favorite things about him. Although,” he starts, chuckling weakly, “maybe he could stand to be a little more… standoffish.”

Ven shakes his head and says, “That wouldn’t be Sora then, would it?”

Riku concedes.

He turns back to the trio then, gesturing primarily to Aqua. “Have you guys had any leads?” he asks, knowing he shouldn’t get too hopeful, but even still his heart surges with anticipation. He just wants a lead, a hunch, _anything_ to give their search a new life. Anything to make it easier to get out of bed in the morning. He’ll take anything, even the littlest of signs, but for tonight, he might have to dream in vain again.

“The Realm of Darkness is so vast that it’s difficult to be certain,” she starts, “but we haven’t found any signs of him yet.”

Terra pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment and sighs, clearly frustrated. “I can’t think of anywhere else he’d have gone,” he huffs. “It’s the most logical answer, but he’s just… not there.”

Ven looks between Aqua and Terra, deeply concerned. He looks much too old like that, Riku thinks, even for someone who’s been alive since— well, a very long time ago. However, now he sees the influence that Ventus had on Sora as clear as day, from the hands behind the head to the thousand-watt smile. Ventus is a little quieter than Sora, though (as though that is a difficult task to achieve), a little more soft spoken and tempered than Sora.

Riku misses the outbursts. He misses the loud-mouthed ray of sunshine, misses the silly faces, the smiles, the snores. He misses Sora.

Good God, he misses Sora.

“I wanted him to believe in himself,” he whispers, thinking back to the Keyblade Graveyard. “You didn’t see him, he’d… he’d given up on everything. He said he was worthless.”

The room has fallen silent, save for Riku’s memories. He recounts them thoughtfully, painfully, detailing how he wanted Sora to stand up, how far he was willing to go to make that happen. How deep was his relief when Sora woke him up, how great his pride when he declared his intention to save Kairi, and how hollow his heart when he disappeared from their paopu tree. He lays them out like folklore, a grand tale of the boy who made himself the martyr, not realizing the scars he’d leave behind.

Yuffie hugs Aerith, who squeezes Leon’s hand, who pats Cid on the back; Aqua leans on Terra, who wraps an arm around Ven, who beckons Riku closer. “Thank you for everything you’ve done,” he says, stretching to pull him into the fold. The dream eater does not hesitate.

The Restoration Committee members eventually retire to their separate bedrooms, but the Warriors of Light do not. They stay together well into the night, even after Terra’s snoring forces Ven to flip him over and Riku falls into his restless sleep. He travels the city again, but thankfully, he doesn’t feel quite so alone this time.

The fourth time Riku dreams of the city, he hears something that strikes hope in his fearful heart. Despite the pounding of the rain, slick against the pavement, Riku hears his voice. It is so, so beautiful to hear that voice again that he forgets to follow it at first. He bathes in it and relishes it and honestly, he can’t believe it. He expects to wake up alone.

_I know I’m not alone, and neither are you!_

_We’ll always be connected._

_I’m sorry for hurting you like this._

_I promise, I’ll be okay._

When Riku wakes up, he feels revitalized. That’s all the lead he needed, all the chance he could have asked for. He skips breakfast and leaves Cid to run tests, opting instead to pour over the World Maps for the city of his dreams. When he thinks he has its location, he asks Donald and Goofy to come with him to wake Kairi— she’ll be so excited! and she’s more than ready for this, she fought Xehanort for Pete’s sake— but something makes his hopeful heart sink.

He calls on Braveheart to open the portal to Radiant Garden, but the Kingdom Key answers his summons instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the two-in-one, sad-about-sora power hour!!
> 
> my exam went well, so here's another chapter. I think I realized writing "and so, he stood" that I REALLY vibe with sad riku. he's my baby boy. one day I'll learn to write him some other way lol

**Author's Note:**

> there will probably be much... much more of this... I was thinking of doing a chapter per character for a couple of them but I have no guarantees of when things will be posted because college is a thing :( BUT I was deep in the kh3 feelings today so I had to get this out
> 
> tada, here's my sadfic of 2020


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